


Heartbroken

by Wildfire6



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Conflict, Explicit Language, Fights, Future Castiel, Future Dean, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 05:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1806292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildfire6/pseuds/Wildfire6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's been weeks since the last time you dared to look at me, months even, since we had a decent conversation. The least you can do now is tell me, why."</p><p>The realtionship between Cas and Dean is strained, Dean getting colder and hard-hearted, averting Cas under every circumstances. But the former angel wants his leader to stop running- he wants to know the true reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbroken

"You stopped talking to me"

Dean was standing by the wodden, old table, leaning over the map of Denver, Colorado, when he heard the familiar voice of the fallen angel behind him.

It was late in the evening, Dean had convened Risa, Cas and a few others of his best soldiers before, to a talk over a big missioncoming up in three days, and damn, he was exhausted and wanted nothing else but his peace, after they’d all left,-... _almost_ all of them.  


"Thought we’re done here", he retorted toneless, not turning his head. 

"I don’t think we’re done here at all, fearless leader"

_ Silence. _

This was something Dean always had valued about Cas. The way the former angel didn't just shut up and did everything that he'd been told, that he stood up to the leader of Camp Chitaqua and talked to him with no boundaries without taking every damn shit Dean gave him. But in that moment- Dean hated it. There was still no motion coming from Dean, no words, his head still over the map, albeit he wasn't paying attention to it one bit anymore. For a few seconds, that felt like an eternity, there was breathless silence, the air filled with strained tension, feeling like a thick blanket over them, suffocating them. That was until Cas broke it.  


"Why"

With a harsh, quick move Dean licked his lips, turning away from the map and walking towards his cupboard with dull, loud pace, before grabbing the bottle of Whiskey, his eyes still avoiding Cas.  


"Why won’t you even look at me" 

"Why don’t you get the hell out and fuck some of your whores?" Dean snapped. He had no goddamn nerve left for all of this and he’d rather have Cas just leave him the fuck alone. 

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Cas approaching. “Answer me” 

"What don’t you get about ‘ _get out_ ’?” Hell, he hadn’t seen Cas this demanding since he discovered favours in the life of a friggin' Hippie. Dean grabbed the bottle, pouring some drops into his last clean glass and walked back to the table, but Cas blocked his path, so that Dean had no other choice but to look at him. "I want you to answer me"  


The ex-angel was piercing him with his eyes- and the sort of look Dean saw in there, that hurt, that desperation in there,-…it was one of the last things he wanted to see ever again."It's been weeks since the last time you dared to look at me, months even, since we had a decent conversation. The least you can do now is tell me, **_why_**."

_ Just fucking great.  _

Cas wasn’t so wrong after all, if Dean was actually honest to himself. The leader had avoided every kind of contact between them, every look, every word. He’d ignored Cas in every human way possible.  
…But then again- when was the broken shell of the righteous man ever honest to himself? 

"You’re gonna leave me alone already, when I tell you why?" 

There was another crack in Cas’ expression, a hard swallow when he brought out a broken “Yes”  

Dean took a swing of the whiskey, grimacing for a moment, looking down at his glass. “Reason is you’re a goddamn junkie, playing around with drugs like a kid with toys, fucking everything on two legs and I’m busy with a hell lot more important things than babysitting you” 

Cas didn’t even look like he got affected by that. It wasn’t the first time Dean had said crap like that to him. “ _Liar_ ”, he murmured. “That’s not the reason. Be honest, just for once. You can lie to all of us here. To yourself. Just like you always do. But tell me the truth, and then I’ll leave you alone, just like you always want to be- alone”

Cas was provoking him, it was so friggin obvious, but the worst thing was- it was working. 

"You want the truth?"

_                You don’t want it, believe me, the truth is so much uglier than the lie _

"The truth is that I’m the leader of this fucked-up camp. I got responsibilities, I gotta take care of people and-.... And I tried, Cas, alright? I tried not letting it get here, not-" He stopped, ran his hand over his chin, not daring to meet Cas eyes. "People I care about always end up this way- dead. And y’know what? It’d always been something that made me weak, that stopped me because I was _fucking. **weak**.”_  God, how much he hated admitting this. Admitting that he wasn’t as strong as he always pretended to be, that he felt like nothing more than just a broken toy soldier.

"And if I’m gonna have to shoot my brother to kill the devil and save that rest of piece of shit you call earth, I can’t have any weaknesses- I can’t" A breath escaped out of Dean's mouth, the words felt like they were stuck in his throat, not wanting to slip over his tongue. "I can't care. About _anyone_ "  


Cas’ mouth was half-opened, staring at Dean with an expression of disbelief, pain.

Dean wanted to shoot himself, right there. He’d done everything not think about this, and even more not to confess it. Now he was feeling…so.fucking.vulnerable. And he hated it. He grabbed the glass of whiskey, flushing the rest of the liquid down his throat, his jaw clenched. 

"Dean…" It was the first time Cas called his name in months instead of ‘fearless leader’.  

"You got what you wanted now get the hell out" The hand of the leader was clenched around the glass, looking like he was about to brake it with his bare hands.

Cas didn’t move, his posture held in insecure meaner.

**_"GET OUT"_ **

Silence followed, Dean being barely able to keep control over himself, then quiet rustling of clothes followed. Dragged, weak steps of boots that seemed so loud, the sound of a closing door echoing in the cabin. 

Then it was silent again. 

And Dean was alone. 

Just like wanted.


End file.
